This is a recent and very horrifying event in my life involving all of my friends. The week itself had been very stressful. You could smell the tension in the air. I was just angry with my school. Anyways, we were all walking into science when our teacher/principal told us to head downstairs. We were confused, usually when he does this it means that we will being outside, but you could tell that today was different.
Our principal sat us against the wall and said to us in a very stern voice, “If you have ever called Mrs. Smith, Smithy, go sit in the cafeteria.” I was very confused. Everyone including last years eighth graders have called her that. June and Beyoncé were sitting next to me and I’ve heard them both say it so I thought to myself, If they go, I’ll go. I’m sure that they were thinking the same thing.
The usual suspects headed into the cafeteria. I felt bad about not going in there because these people were my friends and I was letting them take the blame for me.
Inside the gym, where the “innocent kids” had gone, June and I started talking. We started talking about how we were letting people take the punishment for us. “Come on guys! We’re just as guilty as them!” I pleaded to the rest of my friends. I figured that if we had a larger group, we wouldn’t be in as much trouble for lying. Only June came, which was fine, but walking up to our principal was one of the scariest moments in my life. Right before we got to talk to him, he came in and screamed, “If you forgot you’ve called her that, come out.” I mumbled, “That’s what we were about to tell you.” And scurried out. I sat down next to a guy in my class and June.
Our principal made us all grab our phones and pull up our parent’s contact. Some of my friends had already lost it, but I doubted that he would actually make us call our parents. We said something that everyone had said, even in front of their parents. I think everyone’s parents would be pretty ticked off if we had to call them at work. I didn’t eat any lunch that day, I didnt want to, I just wasn’t hungry.
I still hadn’t lost it yet, but my anger was about to overflow and turn into tears so I headed upstairs. Most of my friends were already up there. I just wanted to write. I wanted to write down everything that I didn’t like about my life. I felt as depressed and empty as Holden Caulfield. For the first time I was using his pessimistic logic when looking at moments in my life. I had never felt this empty before, I felt like no matter what happened, nothing could get better. I felt like I was in a deep hole that I could never escape.
My friends and I just sat by the lockers and had a good cry. Teachers would walk past us without even acknowledging us. Only one asked us if we were ok. Finally another teacher told is in a tone less soothing than nail on a chalkboard, that we had to clear out. We moved our tears to the bathroom. We just stood in their, hating life more than we ever had before. We had never experienced so much drama and the funny thing is, the kids weren’t even creating it. I honestly just wanted to slam the cards life had dealt me on the poker table and quit this twisted poker game filled with cheaters and judgemental people who have no clue what you’re going through.
I’m generally a happy person, but I’m also extremely emotional. Emotions hit me like a bag of bricks so this sadness hit hard and took me a couple of days to recover from. I’m not even fully recovered yet because I absolutely do not want to go back to school. Not after this. How am I expected to feel safe after this?
(Today was also a more serious post, but I had to write it.)