Love Advice From Someone who has no Clue what they’re Talking About

Whether you choose to believe it or not, I actually give my friends who have relationships love advice. I don’t know what would make them come to me. You know, some have said that I look a bit like Cupid, so that could be it, but as I said, I’m the love guru. I’ll admit, I’m exaggerating a bit considering the fact that only like five of my friends actually have relationship problems, but I really only have like nine close friends, so…

In situations where I have to use my knowledge (that I’ve taken from Cosmopolitan), I just put on a confident face and talk about solutions to their relationship problems. By the way I talk about this love stuff, you would never realize that I have never been in a relationship. Just by looking at me you wouldn’t believe it. Just kidding!

Personally, I think middle school relationships are stupid. That may be a bit biased coming from a girl who has never been in one, but honestly, what are these middle-schoolers thinking? “Hmm… how can we make the awkward years more awkward??? Hmmm… I know! Awkward relationships!”

Still, if the circumstances are right, I can see middle school relationships actually being somewhat cute. My friends Abby is mainly the one I give advice to. I honestly love hearing about her relationships! I love gossip even more than the teachers at my school!

Anyways, here is some advice for you this Valentines Day!

Tip #1

Don’t be too picky when searching for the right guy. If you set your expectations too high, you will never be able to find someone! Nobody’s perfect, not even your dream guy.

Tip #2

Don’t set your expectations too low. You don’t want to start a relationship with a jerk who will lie to you. Look for someone with at least half of the things on your list.

Tip #3

Act normal around your crush. Don’t try to pretend to be something you aren’t or cooler than you actually are (me). If the guy doesn’t like you for who you are than why would it ever work out between the two of you? (Some sick reasoning right there, am I right?)

Tip #4

Actually talk to him! Don’t just stare at him from afar. You should initiate a conversation. Make it something that’s easy for you to talk about so you feel more calm if you get tongue tied, but also make sure you give him time to talk. Once you get your crush talking, pay attention to him.

Tip #5

Don’t care too much about rejection. So, not every crush turns out the way we want it too. It’s fine. Think of it this way, you basically just dodged a bullet because would you want to date someone who doesn’t like you? (Unless they were Dave Franco. If you have the chance to date Dave Franco, take it!)

So those were some of my tips. I know, how much did I sound like a cheesy teen magazine? Well, hope you meet the one this Valentines Day! ❤

Stay Gold,

Josie

P.S. I’m having trouble coming up with blog post ideas. Please comment if you have any?

My Dream Date, First Kiss, and Guy❤️

If a guy even gets close to this I will be the happiest girl ever!

I am a sucker romance… And money, let’s not forget money.🤑 Just kidding. Anyways, like any romcom obsessed teenage girl, I’ve thought of my first date, first kiss, meetcute, and all of that cheesy love stuff going perfectly. Considering the fact that I’ve never even been complimented by a boy (just kidding, I have, but by none I like) my dates will never happen and if they do, it won’t be for a long time.

Anyways, since it’s almost Valentines Day, I’m going to do some love related posts, despite never being in a relationship in my life! Yay!

My Perfect Date

Let’s start with my perfect date…

We met while I was exploring France. He knew that I haven’t really seen the city. He asked me where I was staying the night before and the next morning he picks me up on a Vespa.

He takes me to a nice pastry shop in France for breakfast. He then shows me all of his favorite places in Paris. We see a mime and get a picture painted of us. Oh, remember, there has to be some music playing in the background as we travel throughout Paris. Some sort of montage I guess. What’s love without a montage?

Anyways, we’d end our perfect day, with a candlelit and moonlit dinner on the top of his apartment building that has the perfect view of the Eiffel Tower. We are eating some delicious French cuisine that he cooked himself. Some French music is playing in the backround. Once we are done eating, he would extend his hand to me and say, “Voulez-vous danser?” with that beautiful French accent of his. Considering the fact that I am a major geek and have searched those words to write on my blog thirteen years ago, I will know that he said, “Would you care to dance?” 

I, of course, say yes, and we dance the night away with the moon shining down on us!

Is that not the most romantic thing ever?

Of course I’m old enough to know that that’s not real romance. That’s like the romance the luckiest few find. That’s like John Legend and Chrissy Tiegen romance. But, let’s be real, are they not the cutest couple? I need a John Legend!

First Kiss

I haven’t had my first kiss yet (Does fantasizing it count?). Believe me, you would know if I had my first kiss because I would come on here, create a blog post titled “First Kiss Fiasco” (Knowing me, it will probably be a fiasco. As much as I would like that blog post to be titled “First Kiss Fantasy” or even better “First Kiss Dave Franco”, it will most certainly be a fiasco) and write like 900 words on  why it was fiasco. Even though I expect it to be a disaster, that doesn’t stop me from envisioning my first kiss to be perfect and romantic.

It would be in high school, maybe even my  first year. We would go to the dance together. Before the dance we brought a candle and a red tablecloth to Culver’s and made a fancy Culver’s dinner. (Thanks for the idea, you know who you are.) We would eat ButterBurgers and have a great time laughing about stupid things and our shared awkwardness. We’d probably not dance very much at the dance because we both suck at dancing. We’d have one slow dance though. And at the end of the slow dance, he’d say some cheesy one liner and kiss me!

It would be so perfect and out friends would all take pictures!

I know, I’m such a romantic!

My Perfect Guy

Like every other teenage girl, I’ve imagined my perfect guy. He would be a bit taller than me, ideally would have brown hair and also blue eyes. He would play the guitar like a regular Shawn Mendes (Not that I would ever date Shawn Mendes… Just a look a like, he’s all yours Bell.) He would have nice eyebrows and a chiseled jawline. He would be healthy, but not so buff that he can rip off his shirt by flexing his arms, I don’t want my perfect guy to rip his shirt everytime he flexes. (That was supposed to be a joke.) He would be hilarious and amazing at romantic gestures. He would have to have a great singing voice and occasionally write me a song. He would have to be patient, but impatient about the same things I am. He wouldn’t be one of those over-protective guys who get jealous easily, despite how jealous I will probably get. He will have a good sense of style and never wear joggers or tank-tops. That’s fine if you’re into that kind of thing, but not for me.

So, if you know anyone like that, tell them that there’s a 14 year old girl who is single and ready to mingle!

Stay Gold,

Josie